Our Corner of the Cosmos | University of Portland

Our Corner of the Cosmos

Commencement

Portland Magazine

Alumni

June 1, 2022

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Photo by Bob Kerns

At this year’s Commencement, Kunal Nayyar—UP alum from the class of 2003 and professional actor known best for his role in the sitcom The Big Bang Theory—addressed the graduates of 2022. He told them that anything is possible, and he was so funny, warm, and charming that it was hard not to believe him.

What follows is a lightly edited excerpt of his speech.

                                                                                             -Editors

ONE OF THE most useful things I’ve learned in my life so far is how important it is to cultivate a practice of silence. Perhaps putting your phone down and just observing the world as it goes by. Sitting in a quiet room and reflecting upon yourself. Taking a long drive to nowhere. In order to be close to yourself, you have to spend some time in silence. 

We are living in a time filled with what I like to call “toxic positivity.” This means constantly trying to be positive. So by the time you’ve woken up and done your ten manifestations and looked at your vision board a thousand times and said your mantras and affirmations and used your crystals and done your intentional breathing, it’s 10 p.m. and you’re exhausted. It’s as if we’ve become uncomfortable with feeling sad or down. But it’s important to feel, to feel everything. When you’re going through a difficult period in your life, you don’t want to just put on a fake smile, an emotional Band-Aid, and move on. Sitting in silence allows you to be aware of whatever it is that you’re going through. And trust me. I’ve learned a lot more from the times I was down than from the times I was up. 

We spend so much of our lives wanting and taking and achieving. Accumulating. It’s not our fault, right? It’s what we’ve been conditioned to do. But I’ve realized that it’s so incredibly important to discover and know the me who wants. The me who’s in here, looking out. 

Have you ever wondered who this is? Who am I?

We always associate ourselves with the things we want on the outside, but we rarely ask ourselves about the part of us that wants. So, allow time to get to know yourself, to be close to your true natures, and not just stuck in your opinions, judgments, and stories.

See, the more you know yourself, the more you will begin to see your world the way it actually is, and not the way you think it should be. Because each of us is trying to fit this infinite universe into a finite understanding. Trying to fit the world into this tiny box so we can control it. But I think to be joyful, light, and peaceful, you have to loosen your grip on the world a little. Do your thing, sure. But let the universe do its thing, too. 

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Photo by Bob Kerns

I know you are currently making important decisions that you think are going to change your lives forever. But the truth is, everything works out the way it’s supposed to. And that’s almost never like you think it’s going to happen. Because your imagination cannot predict your reality. So, whatever decision you make, just realize nothing is permanent. I mean, we’re sitting on a spinning planet in the middle of infinite space. Does that keep you up at night? Sometimes I look up and I’m like, “There’s no end to what I’m looking at.” For a while, when I’d think about this, I’d be like, “Okay, so what is my purpose? What is my purpose? What is my purpose?” 

But recently I realized, isn’t my purpose just to live? To live this life in its entirety? To touch, to taste, to experience all this world has to offer?

People say, “Find your purpose so you can live a meaningful life.” Why not live a meaningful life, and then find your purpose?

And when I’d come to understand that deeply, that my purpose is to truly be here, experiencing the gift of this life, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. I went from focusing on what my single-pointed ego wanted to achieve to what it is that my all-encompassing soul wanted to experience. 

This life is meant to be enjoyed now. Not at some later stage in your life when you have everything you think you want. I did that. I postponed my joy until I thought I had everything I wanted. And I was miserable, because I realized the joy was not in the accumulation, but in the journey. A cup of tea with your grandparents. A walk in the park. Going out dancing. Having a drink with an old friend. Talking late into the night. I had postponed my life to try to fill the unfillable cup for my ego. I’d forgotten the ultimate lesson that life is meant to be lived, enjoyed, and experienced now. The only thing that exists is right now. Not tomorrow in your imagination, or yesterday in your memory.

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Photo by Bob Kerns

So go with me here for a second. Just close your eyes. Put your hand on your heart. In this moment, with the weight of your hand on your heart, rising and falling with your breath, I’d like you to thank yourself. For the sacrifice, for the late nights, for the hard work. You’re here. You’re graduating! You deserve it. No one can take that away from you.


Kunal Nayyar received an Honorary Doctorate of Humane Letters from University of Portland this spring.